Cela Est La Vie

Alicia's on her way over, I should really clean up my room.
I don't think I do things for drama. I think I have a no toleration problem, actually.

Im sure that's not right, I pretty much KNOW it's not.
a. not Christian.
b.hypocritical.
but in life, there are people who are not healthy and compatible for you.
and I can't handle my anger, and I don't like to be petty with blogs and gossip about hating people,
so I just shut it all up.
I'm still mad.
I should take a boxing class.
My anger is constipated.
ROFL.
:) I miss Christine. For some reason I felt like she was in Washington.
I've been having these weird dreams where that's where I am, Washington. For about a week now. They have me bitterly missing something I'll never get again. ... BOGUS!!
Really though, there are different stages in life, different stages of mentality, and some forms of mentality make me want to bite someone.
Love Love Love.
I want to be the most creative, the most absurd, the most crazyful me yet. I need some way, some time to do this.
I'M GETTING CLOSER TO CHRIST!!
David said something that got me thinking two days ago (it was also rather dumb, on his part.) that made me realize I need to know what I want, and be what I want.
Sounds conceited, I'm sure.
How else though will you make it through life without reflecting in despair? How else can you love yourself ?
So I'm going to concentrate on my errors.
I want to be an artist, I want to understand how to read art, I want to work with coal and draw faces of crazy old men.
I'm really really weird. And now I'm just rambling, so I'll stop until I'm back on track.

I think I went off on the want thing, let me elaborate:
I have my own morals, I have my own mile stones.
Specific to who I am.
I already have such little control over most of the events, let me be in charge of my own time table at least.
It doesn't help your cause when I know you won't be there when it all comes down to it, especially when you say so yourself.
It'll be my face I'll have to see every morning.
It will be my soul on the laundry post every day, in and out, for the neighbors to see.
I have to be logical, and responsible.
I have to be responsible for myself.
That's it.
That's the point.
I have to be responsible for myself.